Should I consider IVF as a single person?
Before I started this process, I never would have thought I would be going down the path of IVF as a single person. I want to share a bit about myself, what I initially thought about starting a family, and how I imagined things would play out.
Growing up, I wouldn’t say I had a strong desire to be a mom. But the idea of having a partner, a family, and a cosy home always sounded nice, like something out of a fairytale. I was raised by an amazing single mom who managed everything on her own. My dad was around for a while, but we drifted apart over time, and now we don’t have any contact.
For a long time, I found myself in relationships that just weren’t the right fit for me, and I wasn’t the right match for them either. Back then, I didn’t have the emotional maturity to realise that or to acknowledge my own role in those relationship breakdowns. I kept telling myself that each person I dated was “the one” because I craved that sense of security. In hindsight, I’m grateful those relationships didn’t work out. It took me a while to understand that I had some personal work to do before I could truly be a good partner, both for myself and for someone else.
Once I made the decision to take a break from dating, I ended up completely revamping my life. I moved to a new state and embarked on an exciting adventure. I switched jobs, met lots of new people, and really stepped out of my comfort zone. During this time, I got into self-development and fitness, which was a big change from my partying days.
By the time I reached my early to mid-30s, I felt ready to dive back into the dating scene. However, I quickly realised that dating in my 30s was more challenging than it had been in my 20s. Back then, I often found myself in relationships, even if they weren’t with the right person. Now, the dating pool felt much smaller, and I became increasingly anxious about not having started a family. Many of the people I met already had children and weren’t interested in having more. To be honest, I wasn’t enjoying the dating process at all.
I tried to maintain a positive outlook, but it was challenging! I often found myself wondering, “What’s wrong with me? Why would I prefer to be on the couch in my trackpants, watching Netflix, instead of being on this date?” Eventually, it felt like I was dating simply because I wanted to start a family. Looking back, I realise that I had begun to consider people who weren’t right for me and had lowered some important standards because I felt like time was slipping away.
At 36, I decided to book an appointment with a specialist to chat about freezing my eggs. I thought it would be a simple process: freeze my eggs, and then I can take my time finding the right partner. However, during our conversation, the topic shifted from egg freezing to my age. The specialist suggested I consider the possibility of having a child on my own. That really caught me off guard! I hadn’t thought about raising a child by myself. I always imagined meeting someone and raising a family together. After that appointment, I found myself kind of avoiding the topic of egg freezing or the IVF suggestion for the next two years.
Fast forward a couple of years: I’m 38, just weeks away from turning 39, and still single. I’ve also relocated back to NSW in a completely new area. I’ve been on a few dates here and there, but nothing serious developed. In fact, the very last date I went on, I arrived at the restaurant, and the guy never turned up lol. Then, on my 39th birthday, my grandmother called to wish me a happy birthday. She asked, “Miss, how old are you?” I told her, “39, Gran.” She replied, “Well, I think we need to get serious about your eggs then.” I chuckled because that was typical of her. However, deep down, I knew she was right. That moment was my push to seriously consider IVF as a single, and that’s exactly what I decided to do.
Next, check out the post about my initial appointment!
Recommended podcast: Sam’s Solo Journey to Motherhood at 42
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